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Jun 03, 2023

Schore to Please: Be true to your state

While you are vacationing in Tahiti, the Riviera or Coney Island this summer, and people ask you where are you from, do you answer, “Between New York and Philadelphia”? Or do you cover your mouth and

While you are vacationing in Tahiti, the Riviera or Coney Island this summer, and people ask you where are you from, do you answer, “Between New York and Philadelphia”?

Or do you cover your mouth and mumble something indistinguishable or make some pretentious statement about being a citizen of the world?

Are you embarrassed to admit that you are from New Jersey?

And when you do admit it, do people respond with that incredibly hilarious line, “What exit on the Turnpike?”

After you have recovered from intense guffawing, you instantly know what they are thinking about. It’s those gigantic, odoriferous refineries flaring ghastly gases around Elizabeth. That’s the section of the turnpike where you hold your breath and hope you’ll live.

Let us consider some reasons to swell with pride as you boldly declare that New Jersey is your home.

Think of the stars of stage and screen from New Jersey: Joe Pesci, Lou Costello (not Abbott), John Travolta, Kirsten Dunst (yes!), Jerry Lewis (no!), Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones); Kevin Smith (Clerks), Meryl Streep, Jack Nicholson, Michael Douglas, Danny DeVito, Ray Liotta, Kal Penn (Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle), Nathan Lane, Paul Rudd, James Gandolfini, Jason Alexander, Janeane Garafalo, Ed Harris, Susan Sarandon, Zach Braff, Frank Langella, Bobby Cannavale, Frankie Muniz and the magician David Copperfield.

The list of New Jersey music greats is also a long one, including Queen Latifah, Ice-T, Jon Bon Jovi, Sarah Vaughan, Frankie Valli, Whitney Houston, Count Basie, Gloria Gaynor, Dionne Warwick, and Paul Simon. Did I mention Frank Sinatra and Bruce Springsteen?

Surprisingly, neither Elvis nor the Beatles came from New Jersey.

New Jersey has produced fine writers and poets. Stephen Crane, Allen Ginsberg and Phillip Roth were all from Newark. Also, William Carlos Williams (Paterson), Judy Blume (Elizabeth; she survived the refineries), and Janet Evanovich (from South River, not Trenton after all).

Speaking of sports, what about Derek Jeter, Althea Gibson, Shaquille O’Neal, Rubin “Hurricane” Carter and Yogi Berra?

Then there are the singular, one-of-a-kind, stand-outs: Paul Robeson (actor, athlete, singer, political activist), Thomas Edison (makes a light bulb go off in your head), Grover Cleveland (only president elected to nonconsecutive terms), Buzz Aldrin (second person to walk on the moon) and the greatest of Trentonians, Ernie Kovacs.

Not to be omitted is my favorite New Jerseyan, the heroic Cassidy Hutchinson of Pennington, who testified before Congress how ex-POTUS Donald J. [expletive deleted] tried to throttle his Secret Service driver prior to throwing his fast food platter against the wall of the Oval Office dining room.

New Jersey has also produced some of the best-named organized crime figures: Sam “The Plumber” DeCavalcante, Abner “Longy” Zwillman, Ruggiero “Richie The Boot” Boiardo and Angelo “Gyp” Decarlo.

Only Philadelphia’s Philip “Chicken Man” Testa had a better moniker.

Mention might be made of some debatably distinguished celebrities: Dennis Rodman, Kellyanne Conway, Martha Stewart and Kevin Spacey. Then there’s Hopewell’s Charles “Lucky Lindy” Lindbergh, who used to be an esteemed national hero until keen minds focused on his role as a Nazi sympathizer.

Princeton Cemetery is home to the assassin and insurrectionist Aaron Burr, without whom there would be no Hamilton, the Musical. Also stashed there is Jonathan Edwards, 19th century cleric and author of the all-time scariest sermon, “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God.” (Don’t read it alone at night.)

And, once again, Grover Cleveland.

Of greatest historical significance is the fact that Monopoly, invented in 1935, derives the names of all properties from Atlantic City.

Balancing the dreariness of the turnpike and Route 1, New Jersey shares half the natural beauty of the mighty Delaware River with Pennsylvania. The Sourland Mountains are as pretty as any forest in New England. And there’s the under-appreciated Paterson Falls, the second highest waterfall east of the Mississippi after Niagara.

If you want a great view of Manhattan’s skyline, you have to go to New Jersey.

If you want the best blueberries, tomatoes, and corn, you have to go to New Jersey.

New Jersey encompasses a formidable variety of places to live ranging from the ruined cities of Trenton, Camden, and Newark — all still waiting to be resurrected — to the ritzy realms of Saddle River, Princeton and the horse farms of Hunterdon.

Among the 50 states, New Jersey is the 11th most populous, despite being 47th in size. It’s the 6th most educated state with 43 colleges and universities. U.S. News & World Report ranks New Jersey as the 19th best state in the union. The New York Post reported New Jersey as the best state. There’s a source to worry about.

On the downside, New Jersey provides a summer lair for The Beast of Bedminster. His announced intention to be interred on the grounds of his golf club led to its immediate designation as a toxic waste site.

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